Learn to beat shyness and ask for what you want

By Dr. Todd Snyder, Psy.D.

Many people are too shy to ask for what they really want, even in simple situations like asking for directions in an Airport, or asking a boss for an extension on a project deadline. The resulting psychological misery that can come from a fear of asking for what you want can be quite significant. Ask any self-help guru and they will tell you that asking for what you want is a key skill because of the effect of eliciting help and support from others. To ask for what you want, you have to get used to the idea that much of the time, people will say no. It's the sting of that, "no" that stops many people in their tracks. For people who are excessively shy (or even just a little shy) it can be especially difficult to tolerate the frequent "no" when you ask for what you want.

The best solution to this problem is to develop a thicker skin regarding the thoughts that other people have about you. In just a moment I will tell you the best way to develop a thicker skin. But first, I need to mess with your mind a little bit so that you will be receptive to the methods I'm going to explain next. You see, for the great majority of people who read this article, there is very little chance that they will ever overcome their difficulty with asking for what they want. The reason it is that their lives are primarily run by the motivation to escape from pain. This is backwards motivation that robs people of joy and passion in life. The only way to reverse this motivational system is to begin to pursue the things you do want in life and to use that as your primary motivation instead of trying to escape from the things you do not want in life.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to tell you that people are lazy and it's all their fault. Rather, I'm saying that very few people have ever discovered a very important secret about human motivation and change. The secret I'm talking about is that we are much more likely to follow through on changes we make in our lives if the mere thought of making the change ignites a positive emotion and the accompanying flow of dopamine in our brain. Dopamine is the "feel good" neurotransmitter that is active in the reward center of our brain. It is what gets us moving in pursuit of things we want.

When you start each day without a plan in mind for living toward specific goals and realistic dreams, you end up being driven primarily by your attempts to escape from what you don't want in life. Escaping from what you don't want is the default mode that appears to be preset in the minds of most people. Without purposeful effort, you will default to avoiding the things you do not want. This leads to emotional pain and a low level of accomplishment in life. You can do better. Read on.

You may be wondering what this has to do with developing a thicker skin so you can ask for what you want. I'm getting there. Don't give up on me, because the joy you're about to feel about this simple shift in your mindset is going to be worth it. (I just caused your brain to seek out a positive dopamine release. Did you catch it?)

The best way to develop a thicker skin is to practice with asking for things. I want you to practice all day, every day, in as many situations as possible. Ask for directions even when you don't need them. Ask your partner for things that they are unlikely to grant you (warn them first that you will be asking for a lot of things and tell them it's perfectly fine to say no). Ask for an extra minute to think before you place your order at a drive-through. Ask your co-worker to do you a favor.

If you are like most people, your mind has already begun to see pain, which is decreasing your motivation to continue reading this article. Let me ask you to reverse that process before it stops you from getting what you want in life. Think of the process of developing a thicker skin as being somewhat similar to the task of swimming across a small but very cold lake. The pain of the freezing cold water would be short-lived as you rapidly become warmer from the action of swimming hard and fast. If you can swim across this cold lake the prize awaits you on the other side. When you begin practicing asking for what you want, it will be particularly difficult at first, but as you warm up (or star to get used to asking for what you want) you will find that it gets easier and easier. The results will speak for themselves.

You may be wondering how you can follow through with this assignment when you have such a difficult time getting yourself to ask for what you want in the first place. If your motivation becomes strong enough, you'll find yourself doing incredible feats. So I'm asking you to begin the process of becoming less sensitive about asking for what you want by first building powerful motivation. You might think of the process like swimming across a small but very cold lake. When you first jump into the lake, you'll feel the pain of the cold biting at your skin. However, as you swim your body will heat up. By the time you reach the other shore you may not feel like the water is so cold.
To get yourself to dive into that freezing-cold lake, you need to develop a powerful expectation of something positive that is yet to come when you get to the other side of that lake. Start by using the power of your mind to see yourself in the future, having already accomplished your goal of becoming a more assertive person. Imagine what it will feel like when you can hold your head high and ask for what you want without flinching or feeling anxious afterwards. You need to become very certain of your vision for the future in order for your motivation to be strong. Instead of simply thinking, "what if I succeed?" think of your mental image as something that is a certain to come about, destined to come into fruition if you simply take the action of practicing asking questions each day. By tying this motivation to the actual active ingredient of change, you will find yourself able to begin practicing.

Before I send you on your way to get to work on these techniques, I want to offer two more tips. Right before you ask someone for something that you want, imagine someone else doing the same thing. Imagine someone who is very assertive. You probably know a few people who are so outgoing and assertive that would not be even slightly unnerved by asking for what they want. Imagine this person asking for what they want. This mental exercise will reduce the feeling that you are doing something odd or something that needs to be apologized for. The second tip is to think about how you would feel if someone asked you for the very thing that you are about to ask for. If you wouldn't mind someone else asking you for the favor or request that you are asking, then neither should you worry about what the other person's reaction will be. If they are hard and cruel in the reaction, then that is their problem, not yours. Create a vision for how you want to feel 21 days from now after swimming across this cold lake and standing triumphant and warm from your exercise on the opposite shore. See yourself laughing with the joy and excitement of having accomplished this life-changing feat. You are worth it, so get to work. - 30677

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Stephen Richards Has Developed A Real Alternative To Expensive Therapy For Overcoming Panic Attacks"

By Jan West

If you suffer from social anxiety disorder (panic attacks) then no doubt you have searched high and low for a fix. Yes, you've read the Internet sales pitches of the many so-called fast-fix remedies available ... all pitched at you in a slick manner, all meant to get you to buy their product. What do they offer? Well there are many downloads if you have a few days to sit by your computer spending your time and money on useless file after file of unnecessary clutter.

All of these packages are in essence designed to tempt you to give them a try. They pitch to you that they too suffered from the same disorder and miraculously discovered through trial and error the very fix you desire. And from thereon in you're hooked! In all fairness, most of the stuff you are downloading is little more than wasteful bulk, giving you the impression you have something for your money!

In truth these products are of little worth and not even worth using to prop open a door. To add to your already bulging downloads, you can opt in for the special once in a lifetime offer of purchasing a special set of... OK, you get the message.

Top rated self-help author Stephen Richards says, "You cannot train anyone to overcome social anxiety attacks! Hypnosis is a very long drawn out affair, although yes it works but only if you have at least 10 sessions. This all adds to the strain on your already diminishing nest egg of cash. "

The self-help industry, especially in the curative therapies, has made a good living off exploiting the weaknesses of those in need. The first step to overcoming social phobia is an acceptance that you have now started work on reversing it.

Some of these treatments on offer are so protracted that it is like two crabs in a bucket fighting each other to get out. Yes you want to escape the dysfunction social phobia brings on, but by being immersed in prolonged therapy it self perpetuates and you just seem to go around in circles. A few days of feeling good then back to the stages of spiralling back to where you stared from: tightness of the chest, difficulty breathing in a normal way, feeling nauseous, compulsive thoughts, etc, etc.

There is no denying it; the incidence of panic attacks within society is on the increase. Also on the rise is the quantity of garbage advertised that apparently takes you away from social anxiety attacks. Panic attacks and related curative products seem to fuel each other, both are spiralling out of control and the industry is taking advantage of this marked increase in product take up. With little else than a lengthy wait for medical intervention or even denial of medical intervention, the sufferer has to seek out other means of help.

In the hope of securing a cure, you might end up just purchasing any old product and hope for the best that it is THE product that will suit your requirements. The amount of products using subliminal messaging, whereby the "hidden" narration rooted within an audio CD goes below the threshold of the conscious mind is on the increase. These 'subliminal' audios work on the basis that if the subconscious mind is bombarded with positive subliminal thoughts then encouraging results will soon be obtained. Well that's great for selling hotdogs and soft drinks in the cinema/theatre (actually subliminals used in cinema advertising has now been outlawed), but what use is it for those seeking long term results? Well, subliminal messaging has seen some results, but it all depends on how well you hear them and if you hear the whole subliminal message, not just part of it! This is the danger with subliminal messaging.

By all means, use such subliminal CDs, but they are only good if you get to hear all what is said, because if your subconscious mind misses a few words then it could pick up only some of what is meant, and then it all goes wrong! Then there are the hypnotherapy CDs, but one hypnotherapy CD cannot do what would in real life take anything from 10-24 hypnotherapy sessions to achieve. What about those multipacks of MP3s you can download, surely they must do something? Well to some degree they do help clog your computer with useless files that you might actually listen to one day, when you get around to it. However, now there is a real alternative! Yes, a real inexpensive alternative that actually works!

In a pioneering method developed by self-help guru Stephen Richards, audio technology is used on one of two tracks on an audio CD. There is no hypnosis or subliminal messaging. Basically, after listening for 20 minutes to the second track you get the most advanced cure for social anxiety phobia to date. That is how simple it is, and it does not give a veneer to the problem, it works deep within your subconscious mind in a very pleasing and harmless way.

One of the main gripes many people have had with using social anxiety products is the use of hypnosis, they do not feel that they have benefited. The answer to this problem is that it takes many, many hours of hypnosis to fix such deep-seated problems. It is not like fixing one part of the mind ... there are many zones to repair and during the course of hypnosis all these zones are tackled ... one session at a time! A long and drawn out process! This is where the "Releasing You From Social Anxiety CD" differs, it actually zones in on the exact area needing help. With advanced technology it tackles the area most in need, and all in an above board way. You get to hear everything what is being said.

Stephen Richards has developed a method to help overcome social anxiety disorder that is so simple. Just one 20 minute session can do what others claim to do in tens of hours. One other criterion he stipulated was that it had to be inexpensive so that anyone could afford it. After working on this project and fine tuning it, Stephen Richards was happy to proceed to the stage of where it became available to the public for less than the cost of a film DVD.

What others claim to do as a fast fix is now actually a reality. What other methods take hours to achieve is achieved on the "Releasing You From Social Anxiety CD" in just 20 minutes (track 2). Oh, and in challenging all of these other products on price, Stephen Richards wanted it to be affordable to everybody, without any hard sales pitch or starting off at a high price and working its way down. "This," says Stephen, "is something I want anyone to be able to have, and I am not prepared to go down the road what others have."

In disappointment, Stephen Richards says, "When I saw what some so-called therapists were charging for what was little more than a collection of wasteful items I was quite determined to provide a better level of help and at a fair price. You might say my therapist's mind went into action. If anything is to be accepted as genuine it must be clear as crystal, be affordable by all and must be able to do what it says on the box. - 30677

About the Author:

How To Conquer Anxiety And Depression

By Les Evans

Anxiety is a state of uneasiness or fear set off by the expectancy of a real or likely threat, incident, or accident. It is a common predicament endured by several persons throughout of their existence.

Grave giddiness, unclear vision, scratchy and incidents of gasping for air are only some of the symptoms experienced, and might result in struggle in living one's days in a regular mode. It is not hard to recognize why a few people suffer anxiety and depression. Recent society is laden with a couple of troubles like monetary flux, political trouble, natural disasters, and the current global warming.

Whether you are at the top of the corporate ladder, an simple employee, a parent, or have stopped working, there are lots of stress in the world these days that all combine to thoughts of hopelessness and fear that it is not surprising there are growing persons experiencing anxiety related syndromes.

The sense of loss of power is truly upsetting, and that is just what occurs when one goes through panic or anxiety attacks. There is an inclination to separate oneself and decline to connect outside of the residence, but this in itself is both unhealthy and unhelpful in that it doesn't aid to reduce the problem.

Social anxiety ailment is a form of anxiety ailment. The person who is enduring this may not be capable of mingling with friends or family. As we all understand, the value of a emotional support system for a person's mental security cannot be overstressed. When a person is not able to interact with acquaintances, then apprehension and terror increases.

People going through anxiety disorders have usually chosen pills. But, medicines do not completely alleviate an individual's nervousness. Fact is, it is just a coping approach which lessens a person's state of anxiety. Furthermore, the cause of nervousness and fear still stays vague. The individual therefore becomes fully dependent on drugs to lighten their symptoms. Most people realize, using medicines usually lead to disagreeable side effects. Psychotherapy on the other hand is not just expensive and takes a long time, but also can not ensure total healing.

There are several courses which are designed at enduringly healing anxiety disorders in a fast, safe, and effective manner. So, people who experience from crippling horror and unease doesn't need to resort to costly yet futile strategies. By utilizing some of the finest programs, they might once again gain control of their life and enjoy the companionship of family and friends. This program has definitely provided a source of optimism and healing for a lot of people. - 30677

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Vital Things You Have To Know Concerning Panic Disorder And Panic Attacks

By Les Evans

Panic attacks are maybe the most dangerously terrifying physical and mental events that an individual will ever live through in hislife. Still, it is also one of the most confusing sickness that numerous individuals typically disregard, supposing that it might be something regular and considering it merely as a impermanent happening.

Symptoms and Figures

It is very essential for you to study about the very fundamental information regarding panic disorder and panic attacks. According to a study, one in seventy five persons can be diagnosed with this illness. Hence, panic bouts are sudden and regular pour of intense and irresistible dread. These are typically tied with physical symptoms such as chest aches, vertigo, lack of air, or abdominal pain.

Understanding Panic Attacks

To start with, here are a couple of the most key and importanta facts you should understand in order to avert and end panic attacks.

1. Panic bouts are typically experienced by people with panic disorder. As the attacks are frequent, they also serve as symptoms of the ailment. But, a lot of people experience panic outburtsts, even without the disorder for at least once in their life span.

2. You will learn if you are having a panic attack if these symptoms suddenly occur to you recurrently:

- Your heartbeat will rise. - You will have trouble in breathing - You experience serious fright that it's almost paralyzing you - You can feel dizzy and lightheaded - You may start shaking violently, wavering, sweating with sudden hot flashes or chilling - You can experience chest pains and suffocating - You feel like pins are being pressed into your toes and fingertips - You will experience as if you are going to die or go crazy

3. Panic bouts may take place with or without anything to set them off. Various experts link the occurrence to various disorders like anxiety, tension, generalized anxiety disorder, phobias, and other severe diseases.

4. One of the first means you may do to avoid and end panic attacks is to get educated. Through knowing the condition, you may help yourself through finding out other ways to come out of it or you get to take help from friends to break away from the panic disorder.

5. Researches show that people with this state typically submit to alcohol and illegal drugs and have greater risk of committing suicide. As this condition goes hand in hand with anxiety and stress, an individual suffering from panic disorder and is not able to end panic attacks can really have trouble with common and daily practical living.

6. You may do something to avert panic attacks since panic illness is a very treatable condition. Therefore if you are suffering from panic disorder, don't be upset since you can very much likely go back living a common life if you get "Panic Away". Harness every good notion you have and contemplate on the cheerful things in your life.

Just bear in mind that being diagnosed with a panic illness is nothing to be ashamed of. Once you or your loved ones is experiencing this condition, realize that you may get "Panic Away". When you avoid panic attacks early on, you may avert the harsh consequences of the disease in the future. - 30677

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Understanding Anxiety And Depression: Its Symptoms And Treatment

By Les Evans

A couple of people frequently think whether there is a link between 'panic attacks' and 'depression'. Researches and specialists know that there absolutely is a association between these.

Nervousness and depression generally come hand in hand, in a lot of circumstances though they are totally different compared to each other. Nervousness is a strong feeling relatively often interrelated to something that may occur instead of anything that is definitely ensue. Sadness on the other hand is an inherent unhappiness brought on by a person's condition or death of a friend and gives one a sentiment of helplessness and despondency.

But, anxiety and depression are always confounded with each other because of their familiar relationship. These might displayed by a person at the same time. For instance, individuals suffering with depression are proved to also suffer to a particular extent with unease. This in itself can be truly damaging and certainly can cause more critical physical issues. Minute worries may be go out of proportion and what started out as a comparatively inconsequential dilemma may get really huge in a person's thoughts as to lead to a full collapse.

Drugs are normally advised to patients who are experiencing this circumstance of apprehension and hopelessness, and although it there is no doubt it can aid in lightening some of the indications this is only an impermanent solution and eventually the best manner to handle the crisis is to try and find out what is causing you to go through depression and anxiety in the first place. It is not always easy, and every so often it is something you have inherited, but it is something you may aid yourself manage.

If you determine the dilemma speak to your doctor, acquaintances, family, and get every assistance you can get by becoming a member of support teams. Study everything you can in relation to panic and anxiety attacks and understand the fact that you are no longer alone, you may be living through an illness and like a lot of sickness can be cured. - 30677

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What You Should Do In the Course of Panic Attacks? A Couple of Essential First-Aid Steps

By Les Evans

A panic attack manifests itself in considerable physical and emotional distress, generated by different environmental aspects. It may be one thing infrequent, as several individuals may experience panic attacks only once in their time. A couple of incidents but, take place to people going through anxiety or panic disorder.

How does it affect other individuals

What you should understand is that panic attacks may advance. Since anxiety is a psychological state, being exposed to persons who are going through from this state would also heighten your possibility of acquiring it also. It is also a very undiscerning condition, because it might affect anybody - whatever age or gender or tribe they are.

This is why dealing with anxiety attacks panic attacks is highly important, whether it is you or somebody you love who are going through it. There are a lot of methods in order to cure and triumph over panic syndrome. Panic attacks, on the other hand, would still happen every now and then, therefore you might still must realize what you need to execute on these situations.

First aid for anxiety attacks panic attacks:

1. Learn To Manage Your Breathing. One of the most dangerous indicator of a panic disorder fit is insufficient of breath. If you have command your breathing, you have to relax yourself down and prevent a terrible outburst.

Breathe deep, yet when you are really out of breath, use a paper bag or cup your hands and breathe there. This can ease you more in allowing the irritation pass and even out your blood's oxygen and blood's carbon dioxide.

2. Try Your Best To Maintain Relax. Remember, these panic attacks allow you distressed with a serious emotion, hence you would actually need to balance this out. Relax your tired muscles.

3. Divert Yourself. Begin by preventing the thought that you are going crazy or dying (since you are definitely not). You might also aim by contemplating more good notions and even help yourself by listening to your favorite music to illuminate your feelings and assist you recuperate from the discomfort the panic disorder attack has lead to.

4. Acquiesce to The Truth. Understanding that what you are enduring is a vital thing to defeat panic disorder. It can also be beneficial for you to try to tolerate that these bouts are somewhat normal in your state of affairs. If you do this, you will also be able to consider what really occurs throughout a bout. You will in the end utilize it to also help and liberate yourself from the ailment entirely in the future.

5. Center On The Good Events In Your Life. Count your favors. Bear in mind of good memories. Carry out hobbies which will make you happy. Take interest in modern recreation. Keep in mind that anxiety panic attacks fade away when you employ positive thinking.

Always remember that you may take power over these anxiety attacks panic attacks, as long as you have the strength to do it. - 30677

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